dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
