You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
