Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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