I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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