Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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