did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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