just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
