I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
