I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
