11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
