So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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