this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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