i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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