he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
