Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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