I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
worst night to have a conscience
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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