i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
