At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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