maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
