So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
