dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
