she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
