If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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