I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
