im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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