Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
