somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
