I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
