ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The air taste purple.
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