I am spending my child support on dildos
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
