I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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