I accidentally had phone sex last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
