my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
