My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
