...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
