You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
