So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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