I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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