Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
