She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
