Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
