Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
