It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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