the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
