I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
