Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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