just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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