Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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