question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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