So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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