they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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