So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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