Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My feet surprised me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
