I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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