Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
